The first of my preschool experiences that I mentioned above is as vivid today as it was seventy-plus years ago. Lucky for me I have a journal (gifted by an aunt) titled, 'Life's Milestones' and my mother and I wrote in it. This photo is at 5 months and is probably within a month of this memory.
I had found something on the carpet and crawled over towards an electrical outlet because I felt it must fit into it.
My 'mind' still has the picture of my chubby little right arm reaching out to this outlet that appears much larger than an outlet appears to me today. I was supported on my knees and left arm and I twisted slightly to my left to maintain balance.
Just before I was to insert the hairpin(?) into one of the slots everything went white and I lost all visual information. During the split second of whiteness I was knocked back onto my butt with my legs now out in front of me. I could not sit with my legs together because the cloth diaper I was wearing was too bulky. I also had no clue as to how I had gotten to this new position.
I clearly remember being startled and confused and I wanted to know what had happened. The only communication I had learned for getting attention/help was to cry.
My mother came out from the kitchen and scooped me up in her arms. As she was looking me over, I looked over her arm at these two other little people I would eventually learn were my sisters. There was some type of gibberish going on between all of them and I was rapidly growing more frustrated which was turning to anger .... and louder crying.
My feeling was, "They don't understand, I can't make them understand". I KNEW that they should have been able to 'HEAR' me, but that they could not.
I used the term 'feeling' because this was not a thought as I would have today. It was an intuitive realization. I was frustrated because these people around me were using a different process for communication than I was familiar with. Even at this age I was recognizing the difference between intuition and what I would later learn is termed 'intellect'.
When I was in my mid-thirties I mentioned this memory to my oldest sister who was five years old when it occurred. She gasped, "I remember that! We had no idea what was wrong!" This gave me an external reference as to the validity of the event. No longer did I need to question myself about it.
One point I wish to make here is that I was by no means a clear slate as some people would have us believe. For my entire life I have remembered this event vividly. I have always been aware that intuition is different from intellect. Recognizing this difference has served me well for 'out of the box' thinking. Retaining this earliest memory has also helped my parenting skills by deeply understanding the frustration a child endures in order to fit in with a culture that does not recognize the importance of intuition.
The second early experience I referenced above was when I was just starting to fall asleep in my youth bed which was a step up from my crib.
I had three small pillows and I preferred to place one in the middle on top of the other two. Suddenly, the lower one on my left was jerked out towards the wall that the bed was up against, causing my head to fall along with left side of the top pillow. Startled fully awake, I sat up and can still clearly see the lower pillow bunched up on the mattress where it met the wall. Confused, I wanted an answer so I ran to my parents bedroom where my mother was busy at her sewing machine.
After I explained what had just happened, my mother tried to comfort me by trying to tell me that during my transition to sleep, I must have somehow jerked the pillow myself. I realized that she was not giving me credit for the validity of what happened and I VERY clearly remember storming back to my room thinking, "I KNOW what happened, even if she doesn't believe me!"
During one of my meditations in the 1990s an individual that is mentioned in the Bible identified himself as the one who pulled the pillow over 40 years earlier. He said he did it so that, "I would have the experience to hold on to and not lose sight of Jesus." I then recognized how crucial this was to my being unable to completely abandon the concept of God.
However, I must admit that in my late teens or early twenties I was so fed up with what was passed off as religious truth that I remember telling my shocked mother that I didn't believe in God. I also remember that because I had a strong belief that ghosts exist, I felt uncomfortable to make that statement. All I knew at the time was that there was no way that I was going to accept the standard view of Christianity and I had to keep searching for answers.
The white light and the loss of visual information I mentioned in the first of these two events was present three of the five times something intervened to prevent, or reduce, harm to me. The forth one was perhaps the most dramatic even though there was no white light. On the night of April 13, 1990 I felt the presence of an angel stop the likelihood of my murder on a rural West Virginia road.
For several years in the mid 1990s I had been faithfully meditating for forty-five minutes to an hour, twice per day. This led to several startling discoveries. One was the re-experiencing of my death in a Roman arena after Jesus of Nazareth had been murdered. I was arrested because I was spreading the lessons I had been taught by him as one of the 70 mentioned in the Bible chapter of Luke.
My memories of traveling with Jesus of Nazareth conflict with the role that organized Christianity tries to squeeze him into. I finally have learned that it was my background that would not allow me to accept the indoctrination process called Confirmation.
I will continue to detail everything in order as I get the time to spend back here. Because I may bore people by simply cataloging what I call spiritual events, I am considering placing them in separate pages, sort of small chapters, so that I can move to what I consider the most important lessons that may help others. This way, if people wish to understand how I came to the perspective I now have they can read the accounts separately and decide for themselves how to interpret them.
It is not all a bed of roses though as my 'energy field' (?) seems to be increasing along with my deeper understanding of what we call life.
I have to be careful of my mood when around electronic checkout terminals in most stores. They often fail to work properly or just plain fail. I need to maintain calmness and not be in a hurry. I have found that if I am with someone else and they are performing the transaction, my stepping back a few feet solves the 'problem'.
Just over a year ago, my wife and I applied for life insurance. Right after the person who was gathering the required information completed the EKG on my wife she was unable to get the machine to work on me. She tried quite a few things with no results. Finally after being hooked up to all the extra cords she had brought with her and my being down to only my shorts she agreed to let me try meditating.
WALLA! Almost immediately after starting, the machine 'inexplicably' worked fine.
The increase in energy that I mentioned is still getting stronger and is interfering more and more with my trying to interact with the so called 'real world'.
I also have been looking into starting another web site that is more devoted to where this page is heading. For now I have to wait and not bury myself further with another project.
At least life is not dull!
Just to scratch the surface of what I am dealing with, in August of 1992, due to a severe back injury, I attended a health program in Phoenix, AZ. At this program I levitated out of a chair in front of the doctor conducting the guided reverie. I also finally received an explanation for what I thought had been a recurring nightmare when I was ten years old. The meaning of the dream was both a memory from a previous life in the Holy Land during Old Testament times and a prophecy about my future. I was intuitively told that one day my perceptions of reality would change dramatically.
Duh ........ no kidding! That sure seems to describe what I am going through now.
Due to many of the things that occurred at the health program, after I had returned to West Virginia and then in Arizona, I tried to establish myself as a professional psychic.
In March of 1996 I became an ordained minister to help with my offering of spiritual advice. I continued performing psychic readings as a sideline for the rest of the 1990s.
I eventually learned that this was not the best use of the abilities I was developing.
In the afternoon of March 5th, 1996 I had just finished a psychic reading which I recorded as usual. I sensed that the Archangel Michael was approaching so I set up the tape recorder again. To describe the experience entirely will have to wait until I have more time and structure to this area of the web site. However, the ending lesson is what I feel is the most important.
I had moved behind Michael and to his right. At this time I could no longer see the image of Michael but could still feel his 'energy'. Very shortly after moving to this area I heard a voice say, "Now you understand what it means to be on the right hand of God the Father". I also felt I was told that I had to return to what we call life here on Earth.
As I was moving back and was behind Michael again I said into the recorder, "I am, I am hearing, and feeling again, the singing of the voices of the angels of heaven. Surrounding, surrounding me, surrounding us all."
It was a few months ago (2019) when I was reviewing my transcript of this experience that a detail I had not noticed before jumped out at me. I wondered why I had not heard the angels a moment ago.
Pondering the question of why I only heard the voice I mentioned and not the Angelic singing, I realized that it was because I was so wrapped up in curiosity about what I was being shown that I had no intellectual need to compare it to anything. It was then that I knew I had momentarily been in complete, natural, intuitive harmony - internally and externally.
Many people who have apparently died and then returned have reported a sensation of unconditional love and total acceptance. I feel that it is wonderful that these near death experiences (NDEs) are being taken seriously by more and more people. I also feel that it is great that these NDEs are being investigated and not just brushed aside.
There are two very important reasons I feel that NDEs need to be understood from the perspective of internal/external harmony that I have described above.
- First, focusing on the marvelous sensation of unconditional love, a person may plateau and not recognize that this perspective of love is not marvelous at all but is an intellectual comparison to how we have been living. When we stop comparing the 'death' transition to life on earth, we will be able to awaken even more by recognizing that comparing one existence to another is what got us into trouble in the first place. We can then embrace our intuitive nature which will show us that we need to express love in this same unconditional manner in the so called real world.
- Second, too much emphasis on this initial sensation of love by a person who has experienced a NDE may make the death transition appear as an attractive alternative to life's difficulties. For a struggling person this could have a devastating result.
I have to get going for now as it is getting very late and I need some sleep. I still have to live in the 'real world'.
I have decided to leave the outline in the below link because people are starting to find, read and download it. However, I felt I needed to elaborate on it a bit.
Please share this area of my website with others as you feel the need. Because many people will quickly reject what is difficult to face, I am convinced that there are many who have had experiences that they have found difficult to talk about.
Much more will follow as I can get the time..................